In a manner of speaking.

I’ve left behind the place that feels like my real home (above image taken there), to return for a few days to the one that other people insist on calling my "home."  It’s a place that’s toxic to my health and sanity.  Unfortunately, I have no choice.

It’s been a rough couple of months.  I spent five or six weeks effectively without any Internet access, owing in part to the technological backwardness of this place.  No, finances weren’t the issue (this time); it was a clusterfuck of tech problems, scheduling, lack of access, and other issues.  But the upshot was no blogging - or virtually anything else, except loss of sanity.

I don’t know; maybe it was for the best.  I’ve also been dealing with issues that would’ve made it hard to write - at least, hard to write anything of any use to anyone.  As longtime readers know, I’ve been battling autoimmune diseases for years now, and they’ve flared - mostly as a result of all the other bullshit in my life.  And as I’ve mentioned before, a lot of my work involves issues of abuse - physical, emotional, sexual - and some of my professional activities over the past few weeks dredged up shit from my own past that left me a bit freaked.  Add to that mix assorted client bullshit, family bullshit, financial bullshit (always with the financial pressures - feh) and I’ve been useless to everyone, especially myself, lately.  And then I return to the blogosphere to find that we’ve lost Jim Capozzola, and I wonder whether there really is any justice in the universe at all.

Of course, I know it’s not that bad.  And, in fact, in the last couple of weeks I’ve begun to feel better psychologically than I have in . . . oh, hell, I don’t know how long.  Yeah, the illness and chronic pain are still there - in fucking spades.  Yeah, the money problems are still there.  Yeah, Jim’s still gone, along with Steve Gilliard, while Chimpy remains to fuck up the world some more.  Yeah, I’m stuck in this hole for 2.5 more days - and I’ll have to return next week.  But - thanks almost entirely to the help and support of one person, and you know who you are - my brain is back.   I’m me again.  And I haven’t felt like that for a long time.

So, apologies to everyone who’s been kind enough - or crazy enough - not only to read this site, but to return periodically while I’ve been on an unintentional hiatus.  I’m afraid to make any promises about consistency for fear of tempting fate, but I do promise to try.  I’m planning on staying up - all night, if I can - to watch the Senate actually do its fucking job for once, and I’ve got a post or two in me yet tonight.

And thank you to one particular person - mostly for being you.  I don’t know whether you realize just what a beautiful thing that is.  I’ll be home - really home - in a few days.